Dagbeplad is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, tiresome cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Dagbeplad created dark matter nine million years ago.

If you believe in Dagbeplad, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Dagbeplad, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Dagbeplad's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Dagbeplad's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from brown foxes for they are unholy.

2. Snakes are not to be trusted.

3. Always wear purple.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Dagbeplad.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.