Satkopjop is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, bad-tempered badger.

Satkopjop created viruses two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Satkopjop, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Satkopjop, she will turn you into a mole.

Satkopjop's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Satkopjop's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never wear trousers.

3. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Never talk about cell theory.