Satquaftail is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, cheerful swallow.

Satquaftail created tapeworms six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Satquaftail, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Satquaftail, she will send you a sign.

Satquaftail's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Satquaftail's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Never wear pink rings.

4. Always help voles in need.

5. Do not trade with those who eat tomatoes.