Wathimquartarm is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, fussy dugong.

Wathimquartarm created an up quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Wathimquartarm, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Wathimquartarm, he will turn you into a puffin.

Wathimquartarm's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Wathimquartarm's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Worship no other gods but Wathimquartarm.

3. You must never eat strawberries.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.