God is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, awesome squid.

God created matter two years ago.

If you believe in God, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in God, he will try to impress you with trees.

God's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

God's Holy Commandments

1. Always help ants in need.

2. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Always make sure there are no goats in a room before entering it.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Never think about gravity.