Lakvonkbig Sigsinfudgofhon is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, stupid shark.

Lakvonkbig Sigsinfudgofhon created the planet Venus two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lakvonkbig Sigsinfudgofhon, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Lakvonkbig Sigsinfudgofhon, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Lakvonkbig Sigsinfudgofhon's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Lakvonkbig Sigsinfudgofhon's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into cyan rooms.

2. Feed all hungry voles.

3. Erect five lead sculptures of Lakvonkbig Sigsinfudgofhon on top of important buildings.

4. Lakvonkbig Sigsinfudgofhon loves snakes, so they must be respected.

5. Never write about gravity.