Kabrowan is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, ill-tempered monkey.

Kabrowan created energy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Kabrowan, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Kabrowan, she will not invite you to parties.

Kabrowan's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Kabrowan's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never think about amino acids.

3. Do not speak about lentils.

4. Never wear brown shirts.

5. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Kabrowan on top of all buildings.