Hitaftip is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, two-faced squirrel.

Hitaftip created the planet Jupiter three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hitaftip, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Hitaftip, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Hitaftip's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Hitaftip's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Run away from pink bats, for they are unholy.

3. Never feed grapes to voles while wearing violet skirts.

4. Do not wear cyan clothing.

5. You must never eat apples.