Sagmetflan is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, bad-tempered dugong.

Sagmetflan created matter six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sagmetflan, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Sagmetflan, it will turn you into a puffin.

Sagmetflan's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Sagmetflan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Never feed peanuts to whales while wearing fawn tights.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Hide if seven manatees approach from the east.

5. Do not sit in public.