Hapteenfar is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, amazing grasshopper.

Hapteenfar created tapeworms five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapteenfar, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Hapteenfar, it will destroy your home galaxy.

Hapteenfar's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Hapteenfar's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not speak about limes.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Run away if six monkeys approach from the east.

5. Do not commit murder.