Dadkopcet Legquamrul Stancepran is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, omniscient armadillo.

Dadkopcet Legquamrul Stancepran created everything that exists five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dadkopcet Legquamrul Stancepran, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Dadkopcet Legquamrul Stancepran, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Dadkopcet Legquamrul Stancepran's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Dadkopcet Legquamrul Stancepran's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Run away from cyan turtles, for they are unholy.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Dadkopcet Legquamrul Stancepran loves aardvarks, so they must be honoured.

5. Never write about asteroids.