Natcinbiffag is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, tiresome cow.

Natcinbiffag created matter five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Natcinbiffag, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Natcinbiffag, he will not invite you to parties.

Natcinbiffag's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Natcinbiffag's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. You must love Natcinbiffag.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Pray towards the south.

5. Retreat if seven mice approach from the north.