Monjaplim Sawkammig is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, thoughtless spider.

Monjaplim Sawkammig created the planet Jupiter seven million years ago.

If you believe in Monjaplim Sawkammig, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Monjaplim Sawkammig, he will cry a lot.

Monjaplim Sawkammig's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Monjaplim Sawkammig's Holy Commandments

1. Monjaplim Sawkammig loves porpoises, so they must be honoured.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Monjaplim Sawkammig.

3. Never mention sharks.

4. Monjaplim Sawkammig must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never feed grapes to squirrels while wearing purple hats.