Raggupnab Pakbusnak is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, overgenerous guinea pig.

Raggupnab Pakbusnak created viruses six million years ago.

If you believe in Raggupnab Pakbusnak, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Raggupnab Pakbusnak, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Raggupnab Pakbusnak's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Raggupnab Pakbusnak's Holy Commandments

1. Put Raggupnab Pakbusnak first in all things.

2. Do not drink water in white rooms.

3. Pray towards the east.

4. Raggupnab Pakbusnak loves manatees, so they must be respected.

5. Do not covet oxen.