Padmegzenjab is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, emotional parrot.

Padmegzenjab created snails nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Padmegzenjab, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Padmegzenjab, she will come to you in dreams.

Padmegzenjab's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Padmegzenjab's Holy Commandments

1. Manatees are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Padmegzenjab must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Padmegzenjab.

5. Always wear black.