Fartipcun is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, boastful aardvark.

Fartipcun created an electron four million years ago.

If you believe in Fartipcun, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Fartipcun, she will boil you in a big pot.

Fartipcun's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Fartipcun's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never run in the presence of monkeys.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.