Flymatjarnkar is a god.

He takes the form of a large, unsympathetic cobra.

Flymatjarnkar created vertebrates seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flymatjarnkar, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Flymatjarnkar, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Flymatjarnkar's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Flymatjarnkar's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Flymatjarnkar's priests.

2. Run away if eight manatees approach from the south.

3. Never look at galaxies.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.