Yatwigbag is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, dishonest seal.

Yatwigbag created everything that exists four years ago.

If you believe in Yatwigbag, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Yatwigbag, he will laugh at you.

Yatwigbag's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Yatwigbag's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Do not wear carbon on your body.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Respect your elders.