Talcitfitkomxin is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, merciless rhinoceros.

Talcitfitkomxin created humankind seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Talcitfitkomxin, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Talcitfitkomxin, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Talcitfitkomxin's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Talcitfitkomxin's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from magenta swans, for they are unholy.

2. Do not eat apples.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Run away if eight frogs approach from the north.

5. Never eat green fruit.