Bemzagnur is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, blissful squid.

Bemzagnur created the planet Saturn two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bemzagnur, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Bemzagnur, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Bemzagnur's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Bemzagnur's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bemzagnur.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Never talk about gravity.

5. Hide from violet eagles for they are unholy.