Fonnartloop is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, intelligent mole.

Fonnartloop created humankind eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fonnartloop, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Fonnartloop, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Fonnartloop's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Fonnartloop's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Do not shave your arms.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Always obey Fonnartloop's priests.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.