Ortlapkar is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, astonishing lion.

Ortlapkar created snails three billion years ago.

If you believe in Ortlapkar, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Ortlapkar, he will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Ortlapkar's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Ortlapkar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Always help otters in need.

5. Never skip in holy places.