Habtomgebcep Ladlanquat is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, selfish mongoose.

Habtomgebcep Ladlanquat created a down quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Habtomgebcep Ladlanquat, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Habtomgebcep Ladlanquat, she will turn you into a slug.

Habtomgebcep Ladlanquat's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Habtomgebcep Ladlanquat's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about asteroids.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Habtomgebcep Ladlanquat.

3. Run away if eight snails approach from the south.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.