Yarparpwee Talparkstipbif is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, unjust hippopotamus.

Yarparpwee Talparkstipbif created viruses six billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarparpwee Talparkstipbif, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Yarparpwee Talparkstipbif, it will boil you in a big pot.

Yarparpwee Talparkstipbif's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Yarparpwee Talparkstipbif's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not trade with those who eat pineapples.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Never look in ponds.