Vonkabpin is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, ruthless crocodile.

Vonkabpin created the Cigar Galaxy three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vonkabpin, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Vonkabpin, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Vonkabpin's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Vonkabpin's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the east.

2. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

3. Hide if six rats approach from the south.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Vonkabpin.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate swans.