Hakbutbell is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, kind raccoon.

Hakbutbell created water eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Hakbutbell, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Hakbutbell, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Hakbutbell's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Hakbutbell's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Never eat strawberries.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.