Fomvolkan Gudxemnegzig is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, annoying chinchilla.

Fomvolkan Gudxemnegzig created viruses five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fomvolkan Gudxemnegzig, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Fomvolkan Gudxemnegzig, he will turn you into a tree.

Fomvolkan Gudxemnegzig's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Fomvolkan Gudxemnegzig's Holy Commandments

1. Always help snails.

2. Always help sick cats.

3. Always make sure there are no sharks in a building before entering it.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Do not make images of living things.