Ripveenhas is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, weak tortoise.

Ripveenhas created parasitic wasps three billion years ago.

If you believe in Ripveenhas, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Ripveenhas, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Ripveenhas' most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Ripveenhas' Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Always help sick dolphins.

3. Never go into cyan rooms.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Always pray immersed in water.