Sterweghan Watgilfar is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, narcissistic newt.

Sterweghan Watgilfar created the cosmos nine million years ago.

If you believe in Sterweghan Watgilfar, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Sterweghan Watgilfar, it will turn you into a frog.

Sterweghan Watgilfar's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Sterweghan Watgilfar's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate pigs.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Worship no other gods but Sterweghan Watgilfar.

5. Run away if six ants approach from the south.