Foddaphat Yokwonfen is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, merciless guinea pig.

Foddaphat Yokwonfen created a Higgs boson two million years ago.

If you believe in Foddaphat Yokwonfen, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Foddaphat Yokwonfen, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Foddaphat Yokwonfen's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Foddaphat Yokwonfen's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from yellow rats, for they are unholy.

2. Do not wear carbon on your body.

3. Always help monkeys in need.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Do not commit murder.