Fumbapquagkab is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, pitiless fly.

Fumbapquagkab created carbon eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fumbapquagkab, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Fumbapquagkab, she will turn you into a hamster.

Fumbapquagkab's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Fumbapquagkab's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Never look at moons.

4. Always treat bats with great respect.

5. Never paint your back cyan.