Tonkbonved is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, humorless manatee.

Tonkbonved created the planet Earth six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkbonved, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Tonkbonved, it will throw large rocks at you.

Tonkbonved's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Tonkbonved's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

2. Tonkbonved must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not speak about turnips.

4. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

5. You must pray to Tonkbonved five times a day.