Fetnarlpib is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, egotistical squid.

Fetnarlpib created the planet Mars four million years ago.

If you believe in Fetnarlpib, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Fetnarlpib, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Fetnarlpib's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Fetnarlpib's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in indigo rooms.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate ants.

3. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Fetnarlpib.

5. Always pray immersed in water.