Tarpmadsat is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, tiresome clam.

Tarpmadsat created the planet Jupiter three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpmadsat, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Tarpmadsat, he will be very sad.

Tarpmadsat's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Tarpmadsat's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Never eat peanuts.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of iron.