Janlabyar is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, temperamental dog.

Janlabyar created humanity eight million years ago.

If you believe in Janlabyar, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Janlabyar, she will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Janlabyar's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Janlabyar's Holy Commandments

1. Never run near dolphins.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Janlabyar.

5. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.