Hamtaping is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, capable mole.

Hamtaping created everything that exists six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hamtaping, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Hamtaping, she will boil you in a big pot.

Hamtaping's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Hamtaping's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear corsets.

2. Run away from brown tortoises, for they are unholy.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never mention voles.