Flowcumdapcardonsan is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, compassionate cat.

Flowcumdapcardonsan created the planet Earth eight million years ago.

If you believe in Flowcumdapcardonsan, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Flowcumdapcardonsan, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Flowcumdapcardonsan's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Flowcumdapcardonsan's Holy Commandments

1. Snakes are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Feed all hungry doves.

3. Do not speak about corn.

4. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.