Hatbifhat is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, conceited lobster.

Hatbifhat created a photon two years ago.

If you believe in Hatbifhat, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Hatbifhat, he will torture you forever.

Hatbifhat's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Hatbifhat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt ducks.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Always make sure there are no badgers in a room before entering it.

5. Always help aardvarks.