Bessmob is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, egotistical snail.

Bessmob created oxygen nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Bessmob, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Bessmob, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Bessmob's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Bessmob's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if eight voles approach from the west.

2. Hide from turquoise ducks for they are unholy.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Never hurt mites.