Dissdanquaf is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, ruthless bee.

Dissdanquaf created bats two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dissdanquaf, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Dissdanquaf, he will destroy your home planet.

Dissdanquaf's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Dissdanquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Dissdanquaf loves snakes, so they must be honoured.

2. Never paint your arms red.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Dissdanquaf.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate ants.