Pomtinrul is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, omniscient goblin.

Pomtinrul created gold nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pomtinrul, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Pomtinrul, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Pomtinrul's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Pomtinrul's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Pomtinrul nine times a day.

2. Never go into blue rooms.

3. Always help sick hamsters.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Hide if seven porpoises approach from the north.