Tabpogquim is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, dishonourable ferret.

Tabpogquim created the planet Venus five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tabpogquim, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Tabpogquim, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Tabpogquim's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Tabpogquim's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate squirrels.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Tabpogquim must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Hide from gray nematodes for they are unholy.

5. Do not hurt mites.