Artfadyam is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, narcissistic bird.

Artfadyam created an up quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Artfadyam, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Artfadyam, it will turn you into a tree.

Artfadyam's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Artfadyam's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about monkeys.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.

3. Do not speak about bread.

4. You must love Artfadyam.

5. Always obey Artfadyam's priests.