Gumbassjigmis is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, smart frog.

Gumbassjigmis created the planet Earth two billion years ago.

If you believe in Gumbassjigmis, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Gumbassjigmis, she will not care at all.

Gumbassjigmis' most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Gumbassjigmis' Holy Commandments

1. Never write about nebulae.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Feed all hungry turtles.

4. You must love Gumbassjigmis.

5. Always stare at clouds.