Tonlambat is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, moody tortoise.

Tonlambat created everything that exists five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonlambat, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tonlambat, he will turn you into a tree.

Tonlambat's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Tonlambat's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Run away from black grasshopers, for they are unholy.

3. Always obey Tonlambat's priests.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Tonlambat.

5. Never write about amino acids.