Bamgabgum is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, blissful troll.

Bamgabgum created dark energy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Bamgabgum, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Bamgabgum, she will remove you from existence.

Bamgabgum's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Bamgabgum's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured manatees.

2. Never laugh in the presence of badgers.

3. Retreat if five dogs approach from the north.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Never bounce in holy places.