Handogsig is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, astonishing penguin.

Handogsig created a quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Handogsig, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Handogsig, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Handogsig's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Handogsig's Holy Commandments

1. Handogsig loves whales, so they must be honoured.

2. You must pray to Handogsig seven times a day.

3. Do not eat coconuts.

4. Always treat voles with great respect.

5. Do not dye your hair white.