Gofcimbemgun is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, ruthless pigeon.

Gofcimbemgun created time and space nine million years ago.

If you believe in Gofcimbemgun, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Gofcimbemgun, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Gofcimbemgun's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Gofcimbemgun's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt snails.

2. Never paint your back green.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not trade with those who eat cherries.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.