Lopfennel is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, unfair goose.

Lopfennel created the planet Earth nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lopfennel, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Lopfennel, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Lopfennel's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Lopfennel's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Always help sick turtles.

3. Do not skip in public.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Do not wear purple clothing.