Kikzakfem is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, tranquil yak.

Kikzakfem created Mount Everest eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Kikzakfem, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Kikzakfem, she will laugh at you.

Kikzakfem's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Kikzakfem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Erect six iron sculptures of Kikzakfem on top of important buildings.

3. Always make sure there are no tortoises in a building before entering it.

4. Never jump near nematodes.

5. Never hurt eagles.